halo+halo

today i stopped by the market on the way to the bookstore to make a small gift.

well, a lil intent* of a gift really.

i don’t know why. something called me there.
just a feeling. then steps.
and that’s the process꩜ these days.

i picked my favorite foods i’d forgotten + ingredients my mother never knew belong in the pantry.
grabbed 2 bottles + options and asked a healer on a new path for help to make it better.

she asked if i knew mothertongue.
only what can be remembered when said in anger.
she asked what i knew of flame.
only one humble lesson my greatmother taught me before she ascended.

so we spoke in a patchwork’d language we know + add to all our lives.

she already felt what was in my heart but i let her listen to it and see it in my eyes.
we touched on pieces of my story + the signs i’ve been noticing.
she nodded that i was on the right path.
and by the time the exchange was over ~ the ice i was still holding melted some.

so i went for more.

she told me of her 2 daughters who were still searching.
and i shared what i learned before i became what i’ve always been.
we spoke of the blight all los ángeles face ~
the ache + wait + search for a good heart to show itself.
and how only hard days + peace reveal them.

i confirmed she’s a Great Mother. on a true path. man or not.
but she knew. as my sister + greatmother knew.
where good heart needs to start from.ᵤ.

our talk ended in acknowledgment of known + felt truth as a customer entered with a ~ 🛎️

but not before she gave me 2 rare threads of our people.
to use if i needed them.
1 from our home island ~
1 from our found home ~

i sat upon the steps
and played a song that came to me in the morning.
been playing since i [left] home.
and let the moment set in.

2 kids played past me,
a daughter followed by
a clumsy son who held + mimic’d a spider ~
in front of the knowing look of their mother.
who looked at me with a knowing smile.

and it all brought me to tears.

but i can’t tell you why.
not yet.
or else i'll add more tears to the steps.

halúhalò means to mix, together.

and i can’t do that without Her being next to me to help.
your halo+halo will melt at your feet if you keep to just words for too long.
but we know that ✿